Double Cross....

I have been trying to lose weight for all of my life. I've been up and down; mostly up. Lately I've been working really hard to get healthy through diet and exercise. Excercise used to be like a dirty word to me. Never have I been so dedicated to changing my life, as I am now. It's slow, but each week I feel more energetic, confident, and lighter on my feet. I went to the movies the other day, and was suddenly, oh so surprised, by how comfortable I felt in my seat. I could sit to the side. Normally the snugness of the seat would prevent a twist in position. I even had the urge to cross my legs. I had not been able to cross my legs since the ages of 16 to 21. And, what a landmark that was. I remember I was able to not only cross them once, but double cross. The girls with slender enough thighs know exactly what I'm talking about; though you probably take it for granted. "Who can't cross their legs?" Well, as I sat there with the urge, I gave immense thought to whether or not I should try the cross while the theater lights were still on. I didn't want anyone to see me it if I should make a failed attempt. I would be so embarassed. Wrestling with my confidence, I went for it....with the lights on. I crossed them! Albeit all of 5 seconds. But, I still did it. I hit a milestone for effort and bravery, and I'm so proud of myself for the progress of mind and body.

Perfect Imperfection....

I am a contradiction
A perfect imperfection
On looking in from outside
I think I’d pass inspection
My nails are neat, each hair in place
My clothes the latest styles
But look a little closer,
And you can see my trials
The window to my balanced soul
Is stained from too much smoke
A birds eye view down at my heart
Will clearly show it’s broke
My best intentions lead to pain
And complicated messes
My head is filled with wishes,
My decisions second guesses
There was a time I tried to hide
each wrinkle, scar and tear
But I’m learning to appreciate
That I’m more than I appear
Each wrinkle tells a story
The path from there to here
I’ve earned a little wisdom
With every falling tear
My soul will soar in brilliant skies
But then I’ll need to rest
The embers of my passion
Still smolder in my chest
Perhaps I’ll let my hair go wild
And skip the manicure
I’ll wear my favorite color
They’ll say "Hey, look at her"
My hair, my heart, my clothes, my soul
Will walk in one direction
No longer contradicting
My perfect imperfection

by Melissa Bachara